In our group we have each been assigned roles, there is the floor manager; the catalogue designer, editor and manager; publicity and marketing team; photography team; the proofreaders and the health and safety/set up guys.
At least, I’m pretty sure that’s all the roles, there have been some discussions as to who is the manager, and change up in who is the editor and quite a lot of vague half-answers to the question of what each role actually covers. The photography, floor managers and editors jobs are all quite direct, but the list detailing the persons assigned to the other roles does not reflect what actually goes on in the classroom…or outside of it. It seems as though, dependant on who and what you ask, you will get a different response each time regarding the managerial roles.
There has also been no indication as to who, if anyone, is the secretary, the “treasurer” or final say-so-er. This does have its benefits since we are all given a chance to pull up our socks and decide for ourselves, as when it comes to the responsibilities of these roles there needs to be a decisive, motivated and confident person filling the boots.
I guess it bothers me because I feel #nofilter incredibly inadequate, like I have no clue what’s going on and that everyone else does and is simply leaving me out of the loop. I love admin roles. I love the feeling of being in charge and I like to have a say-so in important decisions (who doesn’t?!), so these feelings are dragging me down, and I have hit the flop.
In poker terms, the flop is when the first three (or all five depending on what rules you play) cards are placed on the table.
Based on the cards in my hand, I have been doing everything I can to have as many fingers in as many pies as possible. This is uber stressful, and I feel like it is causing me to be less efficient, but I’m a greedy motherfucker and I want my name to something. I’m hungry and it’s an ache that food can’t sate.
I have been sitting in on design meetings, arranging meetings, taking notes, sending memo’s, writing documents, and trying to support the rest of my group however possible. Hmmm… Might be I just figured out who the secretary is. Goddammit, I wanted glory and fame!! #remembermyname
My only consolation is that I have been doing my best to do my best, even if I did taking a little break from the world and turn my room into a blanket fort for a few hours today. Life is not easy, and if it was you can damn well be sure I would be finding ways to make it more difficult. Why, you ask? Well because things only happen if you try, and if it’s easy then you’re not trying. Maybe this is the inner voice of my overcritical, pushy self, but I like to feel the fight, even if it doesn’t seem like it at the time.